Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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