that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
the raccoons are back...
Randomize