Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I came so hard my ears popped.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
