I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
