Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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