Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
