At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
