New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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