I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
