tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
