She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
