Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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