this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
