Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
