I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
