Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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