You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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