I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
