I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
