Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
