First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Im part way to drunk.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
