I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Boobs are out for the taking
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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