we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
