lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
