can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
