capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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