I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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