mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
