Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
