An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
