You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
