We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
