I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
