I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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