Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
