I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
