Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
