Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
