Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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