I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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