ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
