her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
