So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
