My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
