i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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