My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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