You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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