I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
