seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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