My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
