chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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