How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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