none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
