Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
