Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
