its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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