Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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