she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
we're making bets on your personal life
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
