idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
