On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
